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Ein Leben Lang Kurze Hosen Tragen (German) [The Child I Never Was]

I have always enjoyed thrillers. And this one is about a serial killer in the 60s in Germany who was arrested for murder of at least 4 young boys and their sexual molestation. Partly told as taped confessions and partly as events recreation, this film gives us an insight in the minds of a notorious serial killer.

Jürgen Bartsch, while recounting events on how and why he killed those boys, tells us that he was a loner as a child. When he is teen , he doscovers that he was adopted by his parents. They do not allow Jurgen to have friends, to socialize, to have any interests. When Jurgen begins to get in touch with his sexuality, they foster care him and seek professional advice for his sickness of homosexuality, after it is found that he beat and touched a neighbor boy. Jürgen Bartsch recounts events on how he almost fell in love with a boy whom he ran away with but almost also killed him under the train just because he would then be able to express his love. He is shocked by his own behavior. But he years for friends. He discovers a cave where he can escape form his ugly world and fantasize about many things, including sexual fantasies about boys 'ages 8 through 14'. Gradually he gives in to his compulsion to seduce boys into his cave where he tortures them, eviscerates them, and once they are dead he has sexual acting out with them. In one of the final murders, the boy being tortured surprisingly enjoys the beating and kissing and leaves the boy tied up but he escapes, which eventually leads to arrest of Jürgen Bartsch three days later. Eventually he serves time in prison, gets out, gets married but died during anesthetic complications getting a surgery.

The film reminded me of the TV series Mindhunters which talks about what actually goes in the mind of these serial killers. In this case, Bartsch’s confused sexuality turns to a bitter hatred of all things sexual, resulting in his crimes. Its a fascinating story, except that the makers decided to tell the story with constant back and forth and its sometimes hard to keep a track of which chapter of Jürgen's life are we looking at now. I am sure if we, as audience, are supposed to be sympathetic to the killer and understand the reasons and motivations of why the kills because it felt a bit one sided to me.  The narrator describes all of his feelings. One might think that he is being vulgar or proud when in reality - it shows that he is innocently sincere. Thankfully, the film doesn't portray Bartsch's extreme deviancy as being a product of or related to his homosexuality. Since the subject is grim, the cinematography is accordingly which creates an atmosphere. It is a disturbing film with pretty good acting by the teenage guy playing the titular role. Even the actor playing the adult version in jail, is a tough job, since he has to act while just looking into the camera.

An interesting subject handled well but the docu-drama feel of the narrative makes it slightly less of an entertainer or even a tout thriller that could keep you on the edge of your seat. Still worth a shot. (5.5/10)

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