I am not much of a standup comedy viewer. I might have seen a few clips/reels here and there but watching a whole TV special is something, so I apologize of I dodged not know anything about Jerrod Carmichael. I went into this comedy special, blank, hoping to just enjoy it with no baggage of either the person or his previous work. In this latest HBO comedy special, he talks about the most intricate details of his life, his long-time boyfriend Michael and his current relationship with his family – to hilarious effect. Witty, brash, and funny, he reconciles that how much the fear of being outed made him forget about the one other thing that affects his everyday life: racism.
The show starts with his struggles with internalized homophobia and rampant infidelity. He talks about online trolling for having a white boyfriend and how maybe he has something against black folks. He also admits rather sheepishly that he still seeks the approval of Black people, which likely has to do with his upbringing. He talks about his waffle obsession, using Grindr when he was hiding his sexuality, his family — particularly his hyper-religious mother, and how challenging it is to return to his childhood home in North Carolina, where his parents still live. He leans into the relief he feels about no longer being closeted while considering his remaining discomfort over PDA. Despite their open relationship, he hates that his beau can also sleep with other people, but his own sexual appetite prevents him from being monogamous. He admits to hiding certain masturbatory material away from God and the lengths he went to hook up with other men in secret. There are a few moments where he returns to a vulnerable facet of himself, such as in speaking about interacting with strangers at the onset of the Grindr app.
The 53-minute special is full of laugh-out-loud punchlines, but the comedian also doesn’t shy away from darker themes. He reflects on child funerals, very graphic and specific sexual acts that get him off and also how he’s hurt and continually devastated his partner because of his inability to be truthful and express his feelings. Even amid these deeply uncomfortable and sometimes cringy moments, Carmichael’s self-awareness is always palpable. I did not find the special having too many laugh-out-loud moments but I did feel it to be honest and sometimes maybe too graphic when he talks about sexual escapades. There were also some awkward moments of silence where maybe the comedian expected laughs or gags but they likely didn't land. Despite all that, it was still very much watchable and very much gay. (6/10)
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